Rachel Heller, Amir Levine Attached Audiobook Free Summary
‘A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship.’
–John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
• Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back
• Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
• Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
*Includes a PDF of the attachment style questionnaire.
Attached Audiobook Download Reviews
As a former student of clinical psychology, and a personal fan of the self-help section (unabashedly) for the past 15+ years, I have been familiar with attachment styles for a long, long time. This is not a new concept to me. I was actually reluctant to read this book because I assumed it would address the concept in a somewhat superficial way at worst, or, at best, in an introductory way for people who were unfamiliar with the topic.
What I found was a relationship book that resonated with me more strongly than almost any before. And it has completely changed the way I dated.
I identify as having an anxious attachment style, although I’ve displayed avoidant characteristics with certain partners in the past. However, most other books I’ve read have offered strategies on how to IMPROVE this anxiety, how to get rid of it. That has its place, but what this book really says is, (paraphrasing) “If you are anxiously attached, you need a secure partner. Period. The most effective way to find a satisfying relationship is to weed out avoidant partners immediately.” Thus, the focus is not on meditating or journaling to deal with your anxiety, or even dating many people at once (although the book does recommend this), but the focus is really on avoiding people who are wrong for you.
Someone who’s even SLIGHTLY avoidant is going to make you feel very, very anxious. If someone waits 24 hours to text you, 99% of the time, this is not going to lead to a relationship that feels healthy for YOU. They are not the right partner for YOU. Don’t try to make yourself okay with receiving one text a day; cut that cord QUICKLY, and work on finding other partners. (Or, working on yourself. That is, of course, a given.)
This book, as I said, has changed the way I’ve dated. Before, I would follow “conventional” dating advice that, in large part, recommends you don’t voice your needs directly, lest you look needy. That worked to attract guys, but it attracted the WRONG type of guys. Now, if someone waits a day to text me back, or does [X] behavior, instead of ignoring it and hoping it gets better (it usually doesn’t), if it really bothers me, I bring it up. Not in a “let’s have a huge conversation about this” way, but in a way that is not passive aggressive or attacking, but also straight forward. The funny thing is, some guys actually APPRECIATE this. And THOSE are the guys I want to date. If things don’t get better, I know that that person cannot meet my needs.
In the past, I would have stuck it out, trying to play it “cool” while having crazy anxiety on the inside (i.e., never texting them until they got back to me), and you know what? It NEVER worked out. Ever. With clear communication, I come to that conclusion much quicker, and also have the benefit of seeing how a guy responds to that. (Does he get defensive? Does he apologize? Does he ignore what I said and change the subject? ALL very telling.)
So, in sum: as unsexy as it sounds, CLEAR communication, even – especially – in the early stages of a relationship is best. And this book advocates it. Because, you know what? The people who actually are securely attached and emotionally open will appreciate that. So, trust your gut, keep dating, and good luck!
Listen To Attached Audiobook Streaming Online Mp3
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I read this. Not because it wasn’t good, but because I have this thing about posting relationship-y self-help books on here. I don’t want people to know that I spend time thinking about my relationship status. I want to seem cooler than that.
This book is better than most relationship books I have read. The author describes how attachment theory can be applied to romantic relationships. There are three types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. According to the authors, 50% of the population is securely attached, 25% is anxious, and 25% avoidant. Luckily for me, I am anxious. Which is so much fun. They don’t make you feel any shame for the category you fall into. Rather, they help you understand yourself and guide you in the direction you would like to go.
I liked this book because I felt like it really helped me understand why a lot of the relationships I have stop working the way I want them to. The book provides a lot of examples and checklists and inventories so that you can figure out what’s going on in your relationship, how you might be exacerbating the problems, and give suggestions about how you could respond instead. A REAL eye opener!
One of the biggest things I liked about this book is that the authors didn’t suggest that we should all go around acting uninterested and like we don’t want serious relationships, when we do. Or that a woman should play hard to get and make a man “chase” her. This seems to be the prevailing wisdom of most dating books out there. But, as the authors point out, it would make no sense, especially if you are anxiously attached. By pretending that you don’t care about being in a serious relationship, you are just attracting the wrong people for you (avoidants, if you are anxious). Hooray for honesty! (Gretchen Friese)
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